The Amazing Stick of Power Part One
Are you ready? I’m not. I’m two days ahead. Ah well, it’s not as if I have real work to do. Aha. Ah ha ha.
AFPanto II (I’m ignoring last year’s pathetic attempt) is part One of a Twenty Four part story, just like those “Life of the Romans” things you see in the newsagents. Unlike the 24 part things on the life of the romans, it will not drop out of obvious existence after the first two parts. Maybe. It reuses the start of last year’s pathetic attempt (Okay, so I’m not ignoring it) so the first couple of paragraphs may seem a mite familiar. It’ll get more (or perhaps less, this being panto) original as, as the song goes, time goes by.
(“Bye”, in my time voice)
Aquarionics.com will get updates to this too, and for a limited time offer, you can get the first part of _The Amazing Stick Of Power_ as read by the author as an ogg file.
And now, On With The Show:
Part One, Does Knot
Second star to the left. Then the first exit around the roundabout by
the cottage, straight ahead until you get to the bypass, and left and
left again to get to the ring road. Follow the ring road around (Don’t – whatever you do – turn right. Last thing you want to do is get
caught in Middle Earth during Panto season) and take Junction 52 sign
posted to Ursa Minor, then the first right down a little dark track
until you get to the Kingdom. If you see a pirate ship, you’ve gone
too far. If you’re in a desert, you need to turn around and take the
next left back onto the ring road, and if you’re in a dessert then I
hope you haven’t been into Matrix recently.
The Kingdom is a magical place filled with fairies, elves, dwarves
and other such creatures. The fairies are particularly dangerous, but
mostly will leave you alone unless you’re a Morris Dancer. Stay out of
all bars where the door is less than six inches high and you’ll be
fine.
The capital city of The Kingdom is a fair and sunny place, even in the
depths of winter. It sits upon the edge of an ocean famed for it’s
incredibly pointy rocks laying just below the visible surface of the
harbour. This is the great Sea Sharp, and the harbour onto it is one
of the cities most profitable areas, which is saying something really,
because there was an awful lot of money to be made in the city of
Knot.
Knot is a fantastic city, founded – as I mentioned – by the Sea Sharp,
protected by the Reef. The air coming into Knot was thick with salt – it was said that a housewife taking in laundry would be lucky to make
her sheet bend – but the bracing air spliced with the permanently
sunny weather made Knot a popular place. But all was not well in this
fair city. The palace – once the scene of many an extravagant party – was now closed and dark, few people came in and out. The Queens’s
proclamations and decisions were infrequent, delayed, and often
ill-informed. Discontent was rife. Fed up with being strung along,
they people of Knot found their governments decisions to be somewhat
ropey.
In short, Knot was coming unraveled.
A white castle arched glamously over the city of Knot, it’s fairytale
towers built for princesses to be trapped in, it’s front gate wide
enough for a victory parade to march though, and it’s beautiful queen
looking annoyed on her throne when a courtier approaches her.
“Ma’am?” he asks.
“Speak” she replies curtly.
“The watchmen say they can see your envoy from the battlements. He
will arrive in a couple of minutes”
He will.
Witness Sir Rius as he rides though the countryside, his chestnut mare
plodding amiably along the track back to the city. This has not been a
good month for Rius, the queen has had him traipsing up and down the
country for weeks, visiting dive after dive. This had been the final
destination, and as he rode along the road, he wondered how he could
break the news that he had failed. His lamp-black Armour looked
impressive to the citizens who dived out of the way of both the horse
and it’s rider as they marched though the town, for it has to be said
that Rius was not best pleased with the turn of events that had led
him here. The Knight was no longer the optimistic knight who had
ridden out all those weeks ago, certain that the quest would be
complete in a few days. A different, angry, knight dismounted his
horse, gave it to a squire, and marched in plate armour to the throne
room.
It was a dark and stormy knight.
“I take it from your sunny disposition that you have failed me?”
demanded the Queen.
“Not precisely, your Majesty. While I have not located the object, I
may have found the perfect man who could do.”
“You have? Summon the Council of Knights, and we shall discuss the
matter”
Inwardly, Rius groaned. The Council of Knights was the Queen’s
discussion group for the solving of this disaster. The problem was
that whilst the Knights were fine by themselves, together they formed
an administerial force that could make inertia stand back and say “By
golly those men can generate Stop Energy”. Nevertheless, he knew his
plan would fly.
The Knights sauntered into the chamber. Sir Kit, the quartermaster,
came in slightly greasy from looking after the jousts, in marked
opposite to the positively dandyish Sir Cool. Sir Loin came in from
the kitchen, followed by Sir Come-Ferrence, the first of the infamous
‘Come’ family of knights. The rest came in at the same time, leading
Rius to suspect for a second they had just had their own meeting. As
they sat down, Sirs Come-Spekt, Come-Scribe, Come-Flex and Come-Stance
glared at Rius, as if this was all his fault. Pent was – as ever – in
his library, and Sir Rennald ‘Ren’ D’Pedity was on a Quest to enlist
the help of the Empire. The terrible puns ended, for now, and the
meeting began.
(To be continued)
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